Back to Where it ALL Started

I am doing something, that’s pretty scary for me, I am doing back to a place where I failed. 

I am taking the new and improved on the verge of 40 Molly on an adventure back to the place she first set out to forge her own path, where I experienced a ton of trauma and honestly where I lost a huge part of myself. 

I’m going to Nashville. In 2006, I graduated from undergrad and I was determined to do something new, something different than the rest of my family. I was going to move away for a job, say farewell to Minnesota for good and forge my own destiny and I was gonna do it in the music city. 

Not many people from my life back then know this but I moved for a boy, insert eye roll here, I know it was dumb but I was 22 and hind sight is 20/20… so BACK OFF! The next 24 months would teach me a lot about finances, independence, love, adulting and even the medical system. All that to say, I fell, and I fell hard, my relationship fell apart, a conversation for a different post. I was dirt poor and my mental health was the worst it had ever been. Thoughts that I was nothing but a disappointment, failure and that everyone was better without me were a daily occurrence. So I did what was logical, I packed my car in the middle of the night and I drove home to Minnesota. 

At the time I knew nothing about processing trauma, breaking cycles, self-care and i definitely thought that PTSD was reserved only for those in the military. I didn’t talk about what happened to me there for a long time, it was too raw and it  felt like a burden to those around me. I had just come crawling back with my tail between my legs. 

I didn’t talk about what happened to me there for a long time, it was too raw and it  felt like a burden to those around me. I had just come crawling back with my tail between my legs and no idea of where to start. So I didn’t, i hid for years. I met my now husband, we moved to California and then hopped up to Seattle.

Then life threw me the biggest curve ball with my son. He was born 7.5 weeks early and had a number of medical issues that we never saw coming. Again, I hid from it, I hid from the feelings of failure, the absolute out of control intrusive thoughts. Finally one day the idea that I would never be enough took over and I realized, I couldn’t hide anymore and I went online and searched for Seattle area therapists.

So why does this matter? What does this have to do with me taking a red eye to Nashville for a conference filled with other moms. This is my swan song, this is me finding closure because for the last six years I have worked on processing my past experiences and when this conference was announced I took it as a sign that it was time to shut that door!

I am looking forward to reclaiming a town that I truly loved and I am looking forward to making these experiences my own with out the looming shadow of who I was at 22 years old.

So stay tuned, this blog is about to get spicy, not that way, but I am about to peel back all my layers and show you how I have grown over the last 18 years!