It should't ALWAYS be ALL about the Kids

As a parent, but especially a mom,  it’s natural to put your children’s needs first. We run ourselves in to the ground making sure every need is met to the best of our abilities. Along the way we tend to neglect ourselves! In the conversations I have its often forgotten that it's equally important to prioritize your own well-being to be the best version of yourself for your family.

Mom guilt is a real boogeyman in modern day momming and the idea of telling your kids " not now" or "I just need space" is a trigger for some who heard it all too often in their own childhood. If you feel that way or cant imagine telling your kids to give you space. I encourage you to take a deeper look into why. We need time to recoup and recharge or we are running on fumes and it is not sustainable. You're not causing damage but rather making yourself stronger.

Teaching your kids about the importance of space and self-care not only helps you maintain your health but also sets a positive example for them. Here’s how you can effectively communicate with your children about your needs for space and self-care.

Why It’s Important to Communicate Your Needs

1. Modeling Self-Care: Children learn by observing their parents. When you prioritize self-care, you’re teaching them the value of looking after their own well-being.
2. Healthy Boundaries: Establishing boundaries helps children understand that everyone needs personal space and time to recharge.
3. Improved Relationships: Clear communication about your needs fosters mutual respect and can improve the overall family dynamic.
4. Emotional Intelligence: Discussing self-care encourages kids to express their own needs and emotions, fostering emotional intelligence.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Your Needs

1. Choose the Right Time: Find a calm, distraction-free moment to talk to your children. It’s important that they are relaxed and attentive.

2. Be Honest and Clear: Explain why self-care is important for you. Use simple language appropriate for their age to convey your message.

3. Use Positive Reinforcement: Emphasize that taking time for self-care makes you happier and more energized, which benefits the whole family.

4. Involve Them in the Process: Encourage your children to think of ways they can help you find that time and space. This makes them feel involved and valued.

Tips for Effective Communication

1. Explain the Concept of Self-Care: Begin by explaining what self-care means. Use analogies they can understand, like how just as they need time to play and rest, you need time to relax and take care of yourself.

2. Discuss the Benefits: Talk about the benefits of self-care, such as feeling more energetic, less stressed, and happier. Explain that when you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of them.

3. Set Clear Boundaries: Let your kids know when you need some quiet time. Use a visual cue, like a special sign on the door, to indicate when you’re having “me time.”

4. Create a Routine: Establish a routine that includes your self-care time. Children thrive on routines, and knowing that you have a specific time for self-care can help them understand and respect your needs.

5. Encourage Their Own Self-Care: Teach your children about self-care for themselves. Encourage activities like reading, drawing, or playing quietly, which can parallel your self-care time.

Examples of Conversations

1. For Younger Children:
   • “Mommy needs some quiet time to rest so I can feel happy and play with you more. When you see this sign on the door, it means I’m taking a short break. Can you help me by playing quietly or reading a book until I’m done?”
2. For Older Children:
   • “I need some time to relax and take care of myself, just like how you need time to do your favorite activities. When I take this time, it helps me feel better and more energetic. This way, I can be more present and fun when we’re together. Can we work together to make sure everyone gets the time they need?”

Reinforcing the Message

1. Praise Cooperation: Acknowledge and praise your children when they respect your need for space. Positive reinforcement encourages them to continue the behavior.

2. Be Consistent: Consistency is key. Stick to your routine and boundaries so that your children understand and accept your need for self-care time.

3. Be Flexible and Patient: Understand that it might take time for your children to fully grasp and respect your needs. Be patient and flexible, adjusting your approach as necessary.

Communicating your needs for space and self-care with your kids is a vital part of maintaining your well-being and fostering a healthy family environment. By being clear, consistent, and involving your children in the process, you teach them valuable lessons about respect, boundaries, and the importance of self-care. Remember, taking care of yourself is not just beneficial for you but for your entire family. Prioritize your well-being, and you’ll find that you have more to give to those you love.